I got stuck yesterday. Blocked. Or maybe it was the pressure of performing and being judged by people who haven’t yet really interacted with my work. It is so difficult to tell myself that every design that needs to be done cannot be and should not be a masterpiece- a creative feat. Sometimes the hardest task is to stop myself from over thinking, realize the objective of the job and just DO it. There is an almost life-size fear of failure that I find lurking around me-i have not come up with a good concept, the line is so banal, I am just a big pretender, pretending to be a designer when I really am not inspired, creative, good. All these words I try to fit myself in-without realizing the right words will just slide on and be a comfortable perfect size.
It all happens of course when I compare the way I think or create to the designer in HOW-or the illustrator whose blog I love-or the friend whose intellectual process matches mine-and in those moments of insecurity I come out seriously lagging behind. So many times, I focus on the end result with blinding clarity, that I lose track of the process I need to go through to actually get to that brilliant end design solution. In my mind I have a vision of how it should be, but without the foggiest on how I am going to get there. That is where I go wrong. I should enjoy the journey to such an extent that when I get to the destination it is the end I had to/wanted to reach-not the imaginary place of unnatural beauty.
I was talking to S yesterday and he felt that he was lacking drive, energy, motivation, to really get a move on. He knew there were things he needed to put into motion, but was plagued by lethargy-or as I thought a fear of the unknown. When I look back at my own experiences, I can safely say that every time a change has been forced upon me by circumstances, I have emerged with clearer direction, and an improved state of mind-of course it wasn’t apparent when it was happening. I think what we need to do is let go of factors which are out of our control-an award-winning mention in HOW, a crystal clear future, money, and spend time concentrating on the baby steps we CAN take to improve our day to day work/life/relationships. Once the little steps start flowing into a pattern, we will be well on our way-and then wherever we reach that will be our dream coming true.
Lahore was a business trip. Lahore was about meetings, conference calls, and informative discussions. Lahore was much more. It was exhilarating interacting with country heads, an American, a Romanian, and lots of Pakistanis. Each one had a story to tell, and each was an impressive contributor to the success that is TRG. I wanted to jump up at times just exclaim how exciting it all was. The more I learnt, the more I felt I had so much to do, so much to accomplish. It was brilliant-and I mean wide-eyed, glistening eyes, taking it all in brilliant.
We all know how beautiful our country is, how much we have to offer, and what role we can play in promoting its peculiar, energetic, individualistic, passionate, people-so my question is why don’t we act upon it? Lets all try to do one small act which will somehow change the perception of our country. Maybe we can forward an article which we think is an eye-opener-or start creating more Pakistani bloggers to throw the positivism out into the world, maybe design a presentation or a postcard-a purely image building exercise-and send it out.
I find myself more eager to work with these people, to feel like I too am making a difference in some way. I wish other Pakistani companies would inspire their teams & partners to work with such zeal and passion. I wish they would give the same amount of respect, that sense of equality to those who they come in contact with and not be on a constant mission to prove their superiority. I wish they would understand how important it is to share-share information, share opinions, share work, share share share. I wish I could see more employees as satisfied as the ones I see at TRG.
I wish I may I wish I might…
whoever said laughter is the best medicine missed out on another very important dose-dancing. Nothing beats mad hyper uninhibited dancing wildly with girlfriends. I had my share last night and it was exactly what i needed. My feet suffered slightly but the joy my heart got was too powerful & compelling for my feet to even try complaining.
If you happened to have obtained your primary education from a convent school then chances are you are the tomAAAto variety-an exact opposite of the tomAYto type. It is interesting but a simple inflection change in pronounciation can mean a complete lifestyle change. I have been involved in an ongoing discussion about what the little suitcase, which has wheels taken on board the aircraft, is called. Some of my friends with the same schooling as me but with more AY influences, call it a carry-on-which in my mind completely forms an image of the all-american traveler with his twang-while others go blue in the face insisting they call it the-little-suitcase-with-wheels. Are you buying it?
I being the staunch AAA supporter call it a Pullman, which is what I have always heard it being called and which I will always call it. As one friend says she automatically visualizes me pulling along a little man at the airport, but be that as it may, a Pullman it is. As I mulled over this, I was browsing for shoes and on the guess website I came across yet another word for this little-suitcase-with-wheels. This is priceless and beats all men being pulled along or carried on. A TRAVEL ROLLER. Phew, now that’s a tough one. I am taking my travel roller. Have you packed the travel roller? How heavy can my travel roller be?
Am I a Pullman type? Are my friends the carry on type? And who can possibly be the travel roller type? If anyone has any interesting names to add on, this could get more interesting. AAAAAAAAAAAAa.
can it be true? will it be true? are we actually going to leave for mumbai?
i absolutely cant wait.
I am reading for the second time a brilliantly written book ‘Unless’ by Carol Shields. It is one of those books which you cant get enough of-the sumptuousness of the words, the palpable-ness of the feelings, just drives me a little crazy because i dont know how to do this book justice. I stop myself every few pages forcing myself to go over what i have read, to make sure i havent missed out on some line of great personal importance. Every idea, every incident in this book has its root in the simple truth and that is why you want to make it your world for as long as possible. I also try copying down certain paragraphs to read later-maybe with tea, or before going to bed. Everytime i am interrupted, i re-read the page.
I open it and i am temporarily disconnected from the world-yet very tuned in to my world.
Sections like, ‘happiness is the lucky pane of glass you carry in your head. It takes all your cunning just to hang on to it, and once its smashed you have to move into a very different sort of life.’ or ‘she had become conscious of the lifelong dialogue that goes on in a person’s head, the longest conversation any of us has. oh hello its me again. and again. The most interesting conversation we’ll ever know and the most circular and repetitive and insane. Please not that woman again. doesnt she ever shut up?’ are so familiar. she puts down very effectively what we all feel and think.
‘if we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.’
George Eliot (used by carol shields as a start to her book)