An anticipated evening of anticipation definitely began on the wrong hoof. From the time we stepped out of our cars, till the time we lounged outside espresso, it was almost as if we were trying too hard to keep up with each other, almost not catching up until the moment was gone. To put blame on one person only would be almost too unkind, though I have been known to be that. In all fairness it was probably the effect of diverse energies coming together. As we are growing older are we becoming more mellowed & accepting or less tolerant? If any individual in our close vicinity is not completely 100% tuned into us-not absolutely in sync with us, not utterly on the same wavelength, without a doubt, no room for ifs and buts-we callously reject them, label them unworthy of our precious time and attention. Don’t get me wrong, I am not passing judgment, I am probably the biggest culprit there is, I am just trying to understand how along the road to mature live-and-let-live we because slightly neurotic be-exactly-as-i-want-or-else people.
In a book, I am reading, by this brilliant marketing analyst Faith Popcorn, she talks about a trend she calls clanning. This she says is a natural human tendency to surround ourselves with similar people, with similar habits, very similar interests-a justification of ourselves, a comfort zone for us to be masters of our destiny in. That is what we do with our friends too. We connect so deeply sometimes, that it’s difficult to tell where our thoughts end, and theirs begin. We constantly feel the need to identify with their deepest desires and know of them even before they do-so that when they realize it, we can pat ourselves on the back and tell them how well we know them. It all has the potential to spiral into an out of control tornado of pretenses, projected reactions, and combined souls. Very scary, very limiting.
Is it time to wipe out the memory bank and start afresh-to get rid of the old stale images we have stored of each individual we know, and rediscover, relive, reaffirm, refresh, realize renew? Is it time to throw out ALL the baggage we have been carrying with us, backs bent double? I think it is. Though before any of you get too pleased about this pep talk, let me also add this-bad tempers, tantrums, being rude to waiters, frowning perpetually, looking for fights to satisfy an ego, behaving like a brat cannot and will not be tolerated however many new starts we take so before we refresh our systems lets grow up.
I fell in love. I went to see the car I will be buying soon and it was like a shocking realization-I can love again! I sat inside, tried it out, it fit really well. It was a tingling sensation which went down my spine, my knees went weak, and I needed to breathe deeply. Inhale Exhale Inhale Exhale. A part of me was checking all exits to see if I could make a run/drive for it, three months of waiting be damned. I was forced to move away, keep my hands off, and come back with the money. Excitement excitement I got the brochure to take home with all the feature details-it has a cup holder too! Its going to be hip hop red, and I will call it yowzaaaaaaaaaaaa.
it all began with an msn wish 3 years ago.
wishin’ & hopin’
things have changed, but the wishes still remain.
all i can do is send them out into the world
catch them if you can.
strawberry smoothie anyone?
Life is not a one way street. We do not have stringent traffic rules and the only traffic policemen are those inside us. In this world, we grow up believing that everything we do takes us further along the path, whether we have ups or downs, it is all along the road called life. We get so used to looking for the next step, the next milestone, the next huge achievement-education, graduation, career, marriage, children, grandchildren-that we forget to take a little step to the left, we forget to dance a little to the right, and we definitely forget to do a 360 degree turn.
The common myth is that looking back is turning to stone, therefore whatever you do, just keep going on. But is that really true? Where we are coming from is almost as important as where we are going, and more significantly, what we see along the way is AS if not more important than what we are going towards. Someone once said, ‘you have to live spherically-in many directions.’ How much easier it would be to know that if we take a detour-take a year off work, get out of a relationship, stay single, change our job etc-we will not be headed into unknown territory. It might not be the road which takes us to everyone else’s expectations of us, but it is definitely a more interesting, enlightening, meandering journey to where we will be who we want to be, or who we really are.
Sometimes I feel we spend too much time analyzing our life and its achievements according to false standards which have no relevance for us. Like the standard of what we must have accomplished by the time we hit 30; definitely married, achieved certain success career-wise, and of course have at least one child. There is never any mention of the minor successes of how much we laughed, how many times we were passionately inspired to feel, how often our hearts sang, how many friends we cherished, how much time we gave to loving ourselves, how we lived to the fullest at every moment-or tried to-and did not betray ourselves, were honest, and therefore content. Someone also said, ‘retain your childish innocence and you shall be happy.’ It really is that simple.
I think I had lost my voice. There was a flurry of activity going on inside my brain, a rush of movement in my body; I was a mass of hyperactivity, with no outlet. It was like that dream that every human being must have had-the one where you want to scream but when you open your mouth nothing come out-and each one remembers as the most frustrating moment of fear. It’s a known fact that all work and no play makes jack a dull boy, but this needs to be re-thought, where all work and no play drives jack/jill/tom/mary/jane to a point of sheer insanity.
In a study I came across a few days ago, lack of social contact, lack of intellectual sharing, lack of verbal discourse, are all causes of early brain degeneration. These are proven facts, but why are they not known to the business world at large? Why aren’t heads of companies, aside from being trained in corporate governance, also educated in playful activities where horror-of-horrors (gasp!) no company related work is done, no boxes are checked, no claustrophobic repetitions of company policy are made, and where the mind, the body and the senses are indulged in spa therapy.
Imagine a thin, waspy looking financial accountant, who instead of going about spying on all employees during his free time, actually indulges his secret desire to be an impressionist painter. A company who gives all employees an hour off to not sit at their computers, not talk about work, and not do anything which will achieve something substantial. I realize I am going off on a tangent here, but really I am constantly reminded of how I am one of the fortunate ones. I don’t HAVE to do anything I don’t want to. I work for myself which means no one can tell me I HAVE to sit at work till 7 just to twiddle my thumbs and make the company happy. I don’t need to explain my reasons for taking the day off just to doodle, draw, read, watch a movie, hang out with friends. If someone doesn’t understand that all this makes for a more creative me I don’t need to go blue in the face convincing them.
Yesterday I met the head of a department who works for one of the largest pharma concerns in the country. This person after completely depressing me with the aura, went on to proclaim, in one breath might I add, that as a company they ‘value innovation and creativity above everything else…and that the deciding factor for choosing a designer is cost-effectiveness.’ Like I said in the beginning, I think I lost my voice.