reality bites

have emerged from a week of a weird state of part oblivion and part heightened awareness. now that the numbness has worn off, i see that there is a fair bit of way to go before i get to that fantasy place of mental peace and emotional harmony. the fluctuating mood swings are getting scary-madness, hysteria, crazed laughter, frenetic dancing, and then crashing down to the dungeon of unworthiness where imagination drives me to the point of insanity, where i want to shut down my visuals and just lie in deep velvelty black emptiness. anything, even no feeling is better than this.

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reality bites

its hard

sometimes the hardest thing to do is to not do anything. you want to scream but you dont-you want to shut off your brain but you cant. what you do is exist like a zombie waiting for the sun to rise again, and the day to come when you wake up and smile looking forward to a new day.
i know it will come-but i will have to go to hell and back.

its hard