I got stuck yesterday. Blocked. Or maybe it was the pressure of performing and being judged by people who haven’t yet really interacted with my work. It is so difficult to tell myself that every design that needs to be done cannot be and should not be a masterpiece- a creative feat. Sometimes the hardest task is to stop myself from over thinking, realize the objective of the job and just DO it. There is an almost life-size fear of failure that I find lurking around me-i have not come up with a good concept, the line is so banal, I am just a big pretender, pretending to be a designer when I really am not inspired, creative, good. All these words I try to fit myself in-without realizing the right words will just slide on and be a comfortable perfect size.
It all happens of course when I compare the way I think or create to the designer in HOW-or the illustrator whose blog I love-or the friend whose intellectual process matches mine-and in those moments of insecurity I come out seriously lagging behind. So many times, I focus on the end result with blinding clarity, that I lose track of the process I need to go through to actually get to that brilliant end design solution. In my mind I have a vision of how it should be, but without the foggiest on how I am going to get there. That is where I go wrong. I should enjoy the journey to such an extent that when I get to the destination it is the end I had to/wanted to reach-not the imaginary place of unnatural beauty.
I was talking to S yesterday and he felt that he was lacking drive, energy, motivation, to really get a move on. He knew there were things he needed to put into motion, but was plagued by lethargy-or as I thought a fear of the unknown. When I look back at my own experiences, I can safely say that every time a change has been forced upon me by circumstances, I have emerged with clearer direction, and an improved state of mind-of course it wasn’t apparent when it was happening. I think what we need to do is let go of factors which are out of our control-an award-winning mention in HOW, a crystal clear future, money, and spend time concentrating on the baby steps we CAN take to improve our day to day work/life/relationships. Once the little steps start flowing into a pattern, we will be well on our way-and then wherever we reach that will be our dream coming true.