05.10.11: I wish i was more…

I remember when I was 29 there was a lot of talk about the grand list of things to do before you turn 30. I think I made one too and it had an entire melee of to-dos, from going on a trip through europe, to learning how to swim, to bungee jumping, and some tamer ones like start driving, follow photography more seriously and be more spontaneous.  I began my 30th year feeling sufficiently uninhibited, free from all social have-tos; I was 30 and I was jolly well going to speak my mind whether you like It or not. As for doing what I please, nothing was going to stop us now- 30 and me; we were on a ride of our lives.

The ride slowed down, came to a halt quite screechingly.  As far as my enthralled, over-worked mind went, I was 40. As far as the physical side of actually crossing things off that grand list went-nothing, I was a new born.

Fast forward to my 32nd birthday and my wedding. Wooooo (as I have been told I am a woo woo girl.) I was going to start the year as a wife, an independent woman of 2008, and look out world, nothing was going to stop us now-Sam and me. But the dreaded 27th December 2007 happened, BB died and the year began with an air of sobriety which held us all in its dark circle.

What happened? Why did I start out with many plans at so many different times of my life but let them fade away? This happened. This – what I am doing right now. I made excuses. Oh well going Europe can be done later, the time isn’t right. French? Who has the time after work? Driving? Well I didn’t have an extra car so really the driver worked out just fine. Spontaneity? Didn’t you just hear what I said? BB died- of course you can’t be spontaneous!

So I guess what I am saying is, I wish I was more exciting! Took off for countries at a moment’s notice, learnt many languages, planned a variety of things for every weekend, jumped off tall buildings and the rest of it. It sounds frivolous I know, but exciting is an approach- it allows you to be daring, it lets you shut your inner voice up and just go do something, it makes you fly by the seat of your pants so to speak and it definitely gives you many many more fun versions of you.

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05.10.11: I wish i was more…

2 thoughts on “05.10.11: I wish i was more…

  1. post2am says:

    hahahaa- in theory baby. need to be excited in actual life. practically. 🙂 and actually i have talked more about the superficial stuff, but i think i mean exciting as a state of mind too.

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