Keeping the dream alive.

If married women are to be guidance counsellors/aspiration for all single women, then we are in for a shocker. Married women do not-contrary to popular belief-go about their business inspiring single women to shed their single-hood, sacrifice their independence, and jump onto the married bandwagon with the next male that comes through the door. What they do however do is make us shrink inwardly at their married cynicism. They are sometimes the reason for us to choose to remain single. Do I want a constant bitter flow of words leaving my mouth? No thank you. I would much prefer to keep my smiling, analytical, positive, word pattern.

A few days back we held a reunion for our class, at a comfortable coffee place where we and our class off springs could be ensconced in deep cushioned sofas to catch up. The inevitability of the conversation turning to marriage was not doubted by any of us single gals. Mothers-in-law, husbands, territorial issues, and other such exciting matters had us riveted. What is it about being married that shuts off a part of our brain? Why is it not possible to stay away from the oh-my-god-you-are-lucky-to-be-single-when-are-you-getting-married contradiction? As a friend of mine said you can look so happy and relaxed because you are not married try seeing things from where we are sitting. Point taken. We can’t see things the way they can, but to believe that it’s that depressingly end of the tunnel is also difficult.

When my best friends started getting married I thought to myself, things will only change if we let them, and for the most part we tried to remain independent beings first and married or single later. That night I was confused-my belief questioned. If going out for a relaxed evening of coffee meant husbands who kept calling, or husbands who came along, or friends who kept stressing, or conversations that centred around marriage, or lectures on how we (single women) don’t know what its about, or just a difference of the stage of life, then that evening was too heavy a price to pay. The next evening we tried a singles coffee night out. The talk vibrantly jumped from one to the other, with jokes being cracked and understood, references being made and absorbed by not distracted individuals, and the invisible intelligence bond quivered with life linking all four or us.

Maybe there would be less single women in the world if the married ones tried harder at keeping happy. Maybe. For my own part though, I know I will try not to get influenced by anyone else’s experiences. My life is my own, and whether it’s a single life or a life with another person, it is my only life, and no cynical married woman or a bitter mother is going to put me off it. I will go through life embracing all that comes my way, and if marriage is on the cards it will be on my and my husband’s terms taking each day as it comes, remembering the reason why we tied the knot and keeping that dream alive.

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Keeping the dream alive.

6 thoughts on “Keeping the dream alive.

  1. jammie says:

    funnily enough, before reading your article i never thought of myself as part of the “singles” ~ goes to show…theres someone out there categorizing you every minute of the day. 🙂 great entry though. written from the heart.

  2. meena says:

    mary mary quite contrary…:) ill wait and see…
    “Maybe there would be less single women in the world if the married ones tried harder at keeping happy”
    that is a judgement made without experience…lets hope yours is better.

  3. Uzma says:

    I have to admit to in part relating to what you have written as you are right it is the married women amongst us who are such experts in planting seeds of doubt in us single ladies minds. (and we dont need much to make those seeds grow)

    My own mother offers me my lifes contradiction…. She brought me up to always know that i would be married at a certain age and there is a schedule for such events in ones life….. well it didnt happen so what does one do when the plan that there life was being moulded against does not materialise….mmm in one word all one feels is LOST!

    To make things even more interesting as I was being told about marriage and all the things to follow my mother would throw in a sentence that would kill all other thoughts. My mother today says if she had a choice she would choose not to get married… but our culture is such that this is something we must just do!

    Such inspiring words! But hey the world revolves on hope… so here is to hoping!

  4. amna says:

    i seriously don’t know whr to start!! so many different thoughts coming to mind.
    i guess i’ll stick with commenting based on my current state of mind.
    fact of the matter is, part of growing up and moving along in life according to “expected” norms usually results in more and more restrictions on one’s lifestyle.
    The union may be with the most perfect person in the world…it is nevertheless a union. one automatically becomes two. you end up choosing just about any action of yours based on two people’s preferences rather than your own. even if it choosing whether to have ur first cup of tea b4 or after a shower 🙂
    for any woman who is somewhat evolved or used to doing things a certain way, it can be a difficult experience. and where if not with ur closest friends can you sit and bitch about it so that its outta ur system and u dont end up throttling ur significant other in his sleep heehee! 😉
    and ofcourse, there is NO light at the end of the tunnel sweets. the smart ones just choose to convince themselves its there 😀

  5. Anonymous says:

    you know i think its unfair for u to say taht if only the married women tried to harder to be happy, dearest women are who try at the marriage and no matter how lovely the husband is, he will slack. however some husbands im told are samajhdaar and can handle all the situational probs in a manner where they will not develop into an issue, the rest of us aren’t blessed and this complication is what we married women talk of-single female life is so free of it, and the things we think to be stressful as a single bird seem to trivial now that we’ve got marriage problems! marriage whether in ur life or not will always pose to be a problem!
    wishing u luk with urz
    U

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